Perspectives on God

There are 4 icons on the prayer trail in the woods in my back yard. Two of them are back to back, but due to how the trail winds around, one is near the start and one near the middle or end of the trail. You can't seem them both at the same time of course. One is Christ crucified on the cross. The other is the descent into hell, or the icon representing Pascha, Christ' resurrection. I purposely put those icons together only inches apart, yet far separate on the trail. That seems analagous to me of how the theology of them both go together.

There is no resurrection without the crucifixion, and and their is no Christ crucified without acknowledging his rising from the tomb. They are two sides of the same coin. Yet when I gaze at each of the icons, completely different emotions and thoughts come to mind. To see my Lord God and Saviour on the cross is a humbling experience. I realize how sinful I am, and I sense the pain He took for me and the sins of the world. I reflect on how vespers on Holy Friday brings the same thoughts, as I contemplate what a price God paid for my salvation.

For all the sadness and mourning that I sense from that icon, viewing Christ' rising from the tomb brings opposite emotions. How joyful the thought of our resurrected Saviour! How powerful the happiness from knowing He is alive! Where I see Christ reaching down and pulling Adam and Eve from hell, I sometimes picture my hand, my soul, my life being brought to life by His power and love. Yet these two seemingly vastly different pericopes are one and the same. As I meditate on this thought, I realize how too often I focus on one icon over the other. Maybe's it's my emotion at the time, or my personality. But I must remember how great our God is that the full spectrum of emotion, of intellect, of life, are encompassed in Him.

A.W. Tozer in his "The Knowledge of the Holy" writes about the attributes of God. So many attributes of God appear to contrast: His mercy and justice, His love and holiness, His transcedence and His immanence. These last two stand out in my mind. How can a God that is so immense, so unknowing, so "other", be omnipresent and so close? I saw a t-shirt last week with the face of Christ with the slogan "Jesus is my homeboy". While that was borderline sacreligious to me, to the person wearing it, it was just an expression of their understanding of the immanence of God. Maybe my Orthodox emphasis on reverence comes across cold to that same person, while it is simply my expression of the transcendence of God.

We are told we can't be all things to all people. But can God be all things to all people? He is all things that are good, all that express love, beauty, joy and peace. How much of my thought of God is due to my personal preference and perspective, and how much is His truth? I remind myself while walking past those icons of the icon on the other side. And I realize God is so great my thought can certainly not contain all that He is.

Desire and the Kingdom of God

What do I want? What is it that I seek? What do I really desire? Mark Thibodeaux, in his book "The Armchair Mystic", talks about how early in his prayer life, he was bored. He was at a dry place and felt like he was playing games with his love relationship with God. And he felt like God was saying to him "Mark, what is it you really want?" The point was, it is okay to pursue what you want. What God puts in your heart, seek; what he doesn't, don't waste your time on. The Psalmist crys "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Not that God just grants our wishes, but He puts his desires in us.

After almost 45 years, I'm getting closer to knowing what I want. I seek inner peace. If I acquire inner peace, I will become whole. Yes, it's all about me. Because until I acquire inner peace, the world will not be at peace. Not that the world revolves around me, but "I" am a part of the world, a part of an eternal entity, that is not whole until each part becomes whole. And it is all about you, because you too are a part of this web God is weaving, this dominion, this Kingdom.

And so I seek peace, through prayer, through contemplation, through contemplative practices like going to work each day, watching a movie with my kids, blowing runny noses at the Guardian home, or running a 5k. It's all about me being selfish and seeking what I want. Not the external I of the passions, but as Merton would say the internal "I", the true self that yearns for the Kingdom of God. For when I follow that desire, I acquire inner peace, I become whole, as does the world. We pray "Thy Kingdom Come." That Kingdom comes when we unite ourselves to God, which brings love, peace, beauty and joy to a suffering world.

Types of prayer--and Six short prayers

How does one describe prayer? How do you pray? Answering those questions could take volumes as great as the sand on the seashore. Over the last few days, I've been able to experience prayer in several different meaningful ways. Meaningful, at least for me. For others, these methods may be dreary and boring. But that's the great thing about our relationship with God. Our ways to communicate, to love, to praise Him, may be completely varied, yet in the end they serve one purpose: to draw us closer to the One we love.

Sunday I went to a workshop at Fatima Retreat center on "Praying a labyrinth". I've been to a couple different labyrinths, and read a little about them. From this workshop, I heard some of the same thoughts, mainly that there is no right or wrong way to pray. Simply walk silently and paryerfully following the labyrinth, and see where the journey takes you in your spirit. Don't expect God to speak in a loud voice, or powerfully from a burning bush; it's a labyrinth, not Mount Tabor.

Last night I went to Cordiafonte House of Prayer for a silent prayer time. Four people attended, including myself and the two monastic residents. We had two 25 minute silent prayer times with about a 2 minute silent walk around the chapel in between.

Praying in silence, without words or with few words, has become an important part of my devotion. There is something about simply abiding in the presence of God that speaks great mercy and peace to my interior life. The deeper I seem to grow in prayer, the less words appear. The most powerful prayer that many Orthodox Christians experience is simply 12 words: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."

Over the last few years, I've come to pray 6 short prayers daily. "Lord give me a heart for You, my family, and the suffering in the world." "Lord protect me from pride, greed, lust and sin." "Lord, thank you for everything you've given, done and are." "Reveal to us O Lord, the beauty of Your Kingdom, and the knowledge of your unapproachable glory." "Grant peace to Your world O Lord. Grant peace to Your church O Lord. Grant peace to my family O Lord. Grant peace to my soul O Lord." "Thy Kingdom come."

Those last 2 I try and pray as often as I can along with the Jesus prayer. All of these have a lot of meaning for me, especially the last 2. For others, they are probably simply words. But that is another great aspect of prayer, how personal it can be. I think each of us has our own prayer of our heart, if we take the time to find the words that resonate within us.

Salvation History Milestones

Wednesday, September 8th, was the first major feast of the liturgical year: the Nativity of the Theotokos. As a former evangelical for most of my life, this is one of those feasts that seemed to have a little less significance to me than the biblical ones such as Theophany, Transfiguration, Pentecost and such. I spent some time this week thinking about this feast, not only it's historical importance, but how it applies to me here in the 21st century.

The celebratory feasts of the church are not just memorials or re-telling of historical events. Just as the Eucharist is not simply a remberence, but an active, present participation in our life in Christ, so also the feasts have application and bring life to us today. But what specifically is special about the birth of the Theotokos? Yes, she is the Mother of God and her place in salvation history is absolutley immeasurable. But what is it about this point in time that has meaning to me?

As I meditated on these thoughts, I harkened back to one of the doctrines of Evangelicalism that I always seemed to struggle with, that is "when" was I saved? I remember at 10 years old after hearing John chapter 3 for the first time, and a Sunday school teacher sharing with me about me being born again, praying to accept Christ into my life. That was when I was saved. Until September 10, 1981, and going forward at a Resurrection Band concert to commit my life to Christ after getting some distance away from Him as a young adult. Which of those prayers actually "saved" me? Or was it Pentecost 1995 when I was chrismated into the Holy Orthodox church, and "found the true faith". Of course, maybe being born again was my infant baptism into the Presbyterian faith.

Throughout our corporate church history, there have been monumental points where God intervened and worked salvation. These are the milestones of our salvation history, when God worked to save the world. And so in each of our own personal lives, there are milestones when God breaks into the monotony of our lives, shattering both our sin and our understading of what He can work in us. Just when I think I'm "saved", or have arrived, at a new moment a glimpse of God's glory arises to make me realize how far away I still may be. But the peace that knowing God continues to save me is more reassuring than the doubt of "if" or "when" I am saved.

For Orthodox Christians, salvation is viewed as a process, not a one time prayer, like buying a car or signing a contact. Theosis, or becoming like God as we seek lives of personal piety and purity, is a constant struggle. Too often the evangelical in me still confuses this with works or earning salvation. Nothing could be farther than the truth. The deeper I get into this struggle over the passions, over sin, over pride, I realize all the more nothing can save me but the grace of God.

But I realize this "outrageous" love of God (to paraphrase Father Joseph Gibson), can not be limited to a one time prayer. Yet one prayer, one moment in time, can have amazing power, to set course to a chain of events that can literally change the world.

A baby girl is born to elderly parents 2000 years ago, in a desolate, oppressed land. To the world, an insignificant event; to those who are being saved, it is the beginning of the true life of the world.

Paradigms of prayer--Linger

Gaze, ponder, linger. Some of my favorite contemplative activities revolve around these 3. To linger is an artform in itself. Sometimes meditation is described as "focused attention". I think there is also a meditation, or contemplative prayer, that could better be described as "focused inattention."

There are moments in life beyond description, and beyond words. They can not be contrived or created. One can work to create an environment conducive to them, but they still arrive completely on their own schedule. They are totally gifts of God. A call from a friend we haven't heard from in quite a while. Someone cooking your favorite meal without you asking. A look from a loved one demonstrating their love for you. These spontaneous moments come and go, as quickly as a brief moment in time.

Prayer can be the same. James Finley in "The Contemplative Heart" calls it spontaneous contemplative experience. I occasionally practice what is commonly known as centering prayer. The idea is to quiet the mind in solitude and stillness, and focus not on thoughts but simply the presence of God. Occasionally, these times led to a renewed hearfelt awareness of the presence of God, or a contemplative experience. But more often than not for me, as Finley describes, the contemplative experience is spontaneous.

I'm busy at work only to peer out a window at the clouds outside, and sense them saying "Here I am Jeff, the beauty of God, remember?" Or I'm out of breath on a hike to turn and see a scenic vista calling my heart to prayer. During liturgy my spirit is suddenly stirred to the presence of God as we sing "Let us who mystically represent the cherubim and who sing the thrice Holy hymn to the life-creating trinity now lay aside all earthly care."

These moments of spontaneous contemplative experience can be so deep, yet so fleeting. Like trying to catch a falling leaf, or cup water in ones hand, they are ever so momentary and then they are gone. The trick I am learning of the experience, is to linger. Not to try and capture the moment forever, or hold onto it actively. But simply to accept it, focus on it, and bask in the present moment. Not worrying about how long will it last or when will it end, but gratefully accepting it as a gift of God. The danger in times past was to categorize it, and try and file it away for a more opportune time. But I'm learning there is no more opportune time to experience the contemplative awareness of God than at the moment He grants it. And so I linger.

Prayer and the morning paper

Two suicide bombings in Isreal, 16 killed and dozens injured. A suicide bombing in Moscow, 10 killed and dozens injured. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy." Groups clamor to claim credit for their hate and killing innocent people, all in the name of God. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy."

A new internet video claims to show the gruesome deaths of 12 hostages by Iraqi militants. In Nepal a father of one of the victims cries out "What sins have I committed to deserve this?".

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy."

I wish I could somehow comfort that father. I have no words to say, but in some way I'd like to convey my sorrow and compassion. I wish I could comfort all the victims familes of these absurdities, and share whatever I have to offer to help. I wish I could tell religious fanatics to stop killing people in the name of God. I wish the violence would just end. I wish there were something I could do.

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy."

Maybe these Carmelite nuns have an answer: www.praythenews.com Rather than just curse the darkness, I can light a candle by praying as I read. I can't do all the other things I wish I can. But I can pray, seek a life of peace, and beg Christ our God to bring His kingdom, even in the midst of the suffering world.

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy."