Three choices

Seems to me that there are basically three choices in life. One, is to choose our own way and follow our own will. Two would be to accept God's will for our life, but do so grudgingly. And three, would be to accept God's will for our life, and do it with gratitude.

Every moment gives us the opportunity to make our choice. Life is made up of countless Monty Hall "Let's make a deal!' choices. Door A, Door B, or Door C. Like the old game show, we sometimes choose the door with the car, but it turns out to be a broken down Ford Pinto. And we passed on the door with the horse and buggy, only to find the buggy included a $10,000 check.

I heard a presentation yesterday by a monk from New Mellerey Abbey in Iowa. He was talking about obedience in the Benedictine tradition. Since he was speaking to laypeople, rather than focus on obedience to an Abbot, he talked about how we face choosing God's will in every moment of our lives. And in that present moment, we have the choice of obeying and choosing God's will or not.

For me, I think there are the three choices I mentioned. I say that because for 45 years I've become an expert in hedging my bet and choosing choice two. When it comes right down to it, I'll do what God says, but I don't always do it with a smile. I hold onto my receipt so that when things don't work out (just like I knew all along) I can go back to God for a refund. And maybe remind him I told him if I take that cross they are going to nail me to it. But then, that's the point. It's not about how I think things should turn out. It's about doing them, with gratitude, and embracing the cross I'm called to bear.

We are having a really hard time the last month with our 15 year old bipolar son. Summers are always a challenge. He has been very rebellious and rude, and has the household on eggshells wondering if or when we'll get the violent outburst and have to call the police. Another of our adopted children, now 18, has made the Marion County jail his home for the last 8 months and probably a few more.

What if I could have a conversation with God and make my choice again? What if he told me it's his will to open my home up to the fatherless and needy, but he would let me go back to 1989 and recant if I really wanted. What would I do? Door number 1, take the easy way and raise my two biological children and live how I want. Door number 2 (the one I've chosen), live in an inner city for several years, adopt 3 children in need of care, but complain bitterly to God about my lot every chance I get. Or door number 3, do what Christ did. Pick up my cross and obey, not with a stiff neck, but because I love God and trust Him. What a novel thought.

I think I'm going to see if I can change my choice. Because I'm learning choice number two really isn't an option. If it were, my life would be miserable and I'd be as annoying to God as fire ants at a summer picnic. And really, choice number three is where I will find peace. Unbelievable as it may seem to me at times, only when I learn obedience and gratitude will I be truly me, and truly happy.

Intentions

"Lord, all my longing is before you. My sighing is not hidden from you." Ps 38:9

Passion has become a buzzword in big business. When you really need to pull out all the stops and impress someone with how much you mean business, you drop the passion bomb. "I really have a lot of passion around this initiative." "We need to be passionate about our clients." As with other buzzwords, the key is placement and not to overuse them. Of course, that doesn't stop many folks. On any one conference call I've heard professionals with passions from customer care to peanuts.

What is the idea behind the real meaning of passion? Maybe it's longing; what we truly long for. In the verse above, other translations use desire. All these give me the same kind of idea. But unlike our businessperson example, when it comes down to it, we all have one overriding desire that directs our life. Maybe it's money; maybe it's romantic love; maybe it's our kids and family. Or maybe, once we clean away all the dross, somewhere deep inside we have a longing for God.

I love returning to the example of King David. He was a big sinner. He wasn't known for his theology or doctrine. But he was a man after God's own heart. He fulfilled, and wrote, the most powerful lines in spirituality in my mind. "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Ps 34:18. "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart O God you will not despise." Ps 51:17 David was, above all things, humble before God. He was a murderer, an adulterer, and I'm sure we're missing other sins. But when it got down to it, he loved God with everything. When he was confronted with his sin, he repented. And not with a false pretensious humility of a Pharisee, but with the humility of one "broken" of his own will.

Pick that word that resonates with you. Passion. Desire. Longing. Humility. What is it about me that strikes my passion? What is it in my life that when I wake up, I can't wait to see, to do, to pursue? When I have 3 minutes between appointments, between thoughts, in the middle of the day to stop and reflect, what is it that I fill my mind with? Whatever it is, God knows. "All my longing is before you."

I wish I could honestly say in this post, like David, all my longing is for you God. Unfortunately, that may be disingenuous. But not to despair, heart of mine, for there still remains my intentions. And I can honestly say, I want to love God with all my being. I want to create a longing in me for Him that surpasses my other passions. I want to desire the kingdom of God to come in my life more than anything. More than sinful desires, and even more than the good gifts He grants to me, I want a relationship with God. And so I hope in another verse from David. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps 37:4.

Lord, grant me the desires of my heart. Not the earthly ones that are already there; not the ones I have created in my own image. But give me a desire for you. Would that I may long for you, and allow your Son to form His image in my life. Holy God, Holy Mighty, Holy Immortal, allow that my intentions would be more for you, and less of anything else short of your Glory.

The stain of sin

It's 5:00 a.m., and I let our lab Lady Gator out to do her business first thing as the day awakens. I wander around our back yard, when here she comes out from the woods with her head down, ears low, walking slowly towards me with that "hey, don't be mad at me, I'm a dumb dog" look. Sure enough, when she gets within about 10 yards I "sense" the problem, pardon the pun. She must have found a nice big pile of deer poop to roll around in and now she smells like, well, you know.

To the garden hose, and giving her a bath from the freezing cold water first thing to start my day. She is not happy about the bath. I am not happy about any of this. Especially since we just went through this last week. When is she going to learn to stay out of the poop? I grow more and more angry and frustrated until the analogies of the spiritual life start to kick in. You can probably guess. How often do I show up on God's doorstep, smelling like, you know, covered in filth for the umpteenth time? How many times does He have to take me out back, pour cold water all over my life and dreams to cleanse me, when all the time I think He's just being mean? When am I going to get that if I roll around in sin, I can say I'm sorry all I want but there's still a cold bath waiting for me?

I love my evangelical roots, I really do. The emphasis on how the grace of God is all encompassing and all we need for eternal salvation is so true. But sometimes I think we forget our part in it all. Us Eastern Orthodox and Roman Catholics get pinged sometimes for emphasizing works too often. But there is a place for repentance. Yes we are forgiven, but forgiveness doesn't necessarily make me smell better. Only with the soap and suds of a life of repentance and humility do I get to work out the stains.

This tension between grace and works isn't one of these where we compromise the teaching of each. There isn't a middle ground where we water down both sides. It is true that only the grace of God through the love and sacrifice of Christ can save us. And it is also completely true that only through work, hard work cooperating with God's Spirit, can I get my life clean. Sanctification isn't microwavable, or 3 dollars at Starbucks. Baptism, the sinners' prayer, the sacraments, that's all the start of a process, not the finish. I think it was Melanchthon who said "we are saved by grace alone, but that grace is not alone."

A college student gets drunk and kills someone in a driving accident. He may be forgiven, but the stain is forever. A woman leaves her husband to run away with her neighbor. She may be forgiven some day, but the pain in the family will linger. I, Athanasios, criticize and hurt someone's feelings. I show lack of concern for the poor and suffering every single day as I go about my business. I...well the list goes on. I ask for forgiveness, knowing it is assured through my Savior's work. But I still head to the back yard to do my work of spiritual disciplines. Not as punishment, not to atone for my sin, but to "work out my salvation in fear and trembling." To attain purity of heart. To not mock my Saviors sacrifice by treating it as cheap, but to accept and appropriate it lovingly.

Urgency and desperation

Driving back from Chicago late one night last week, I was channel surfing the radio to stay alert. I heard a preacher giving a sermon about prayer and the spiritual life. The point he was making was that we need have a sense of desperation in our lives. For the kingdom of God to come, we need to realize the desperate situation the world is in, and act accordingly.

I think I understand and could relate somewhat to his point, but his choice of words I would not at all agree with. Maybe it's just semantics, but there is a deeper issue here I believe. No doubt, Christians need to be about the business of the kingdom of God. For too many, Christianity is fire insurance, or a part of life, or a way to feel good about themselves. Orthodox Christianity, even with a small o, is none of the above.

It is true that our spiritual lives should and must be the focus of our being. We do need to focus on prayer, giving, serving and living lives of love. Christianity is a way of life, not a religion. It is a relationship, but more than just any relationship, it is the encompassing relationship. And yes, this way of life should result in a sense of urgency, but not desperation. There is no reason to be desperate. God's kingdom of peace and love will prevail in the end.

A. W. Tozer wrote a wonderful book called "The Knowledge of the Holy" about the attributes of God. In discussing the self sufficiency of God, he makes an interesting point. Too often Christians think God needs our help; that he is struggling to make ends meet and it is up to us to rescue him by diligently serving Him. Nothing is further from the truth. Yet understanding the truth of the attributes of God should motivate us to participate in the struggle of life. Not because we are desperate, but because of the power availed to us.

A sense of urgency is what we need. It isn't time to build fiefdoms and argue over points of doctrine. To quote a desert father, "a man condemned to die isn't worried about what is happening in the theatre." Thousands, no millions, are dying each year due to poverty, war, oppression, and disease. The suffering on this planet, if we open our eyes to it, is almost incomprehensible. And it is stunning to realize how much of this suffering is caused by man's inhumanity to man.

We are all called to the struggle of the Kingdom of God. We are called to love, to give, to share, to empty (kenosis) our selves to others as Christ did. And we are called to pray. To unite ourselves to the Almighty through words, through contemplation, through bringing his love to us and those around us. In this mystical union, peace comes not only to our souls but to all.

Yes, we need this sense of urgency. But let us not pretend the battle for life is only ours. It will take all our effort, but the final completion of the kingdom of God bringing love to all is inevitable. This thought should empower us, not deter us.