Fervor

Most of Thomas Merton is over my head, at least I have to read it very slowly. I've read the following quote from "The Inner Experience" several times lately (slowly) and it has a really good point: "But those forms of religious and liturgical worship which have lost their initial impulse of fervor tend more and more to forget their contemplative purpose, and to attach exclusive importance to rites and forms for their own sake, or for the sake of the effect which they are believed to exercise on the One who is worshipped. The highest form of religious worship finds its issue and fulfillment in contemplative awakening and in transcendent spiritual peace."


When we first "experience" God, or have our initial encounters with Him, there is a resulting fervor that lingers for a while. I can remember back to many such times early in my life as a Christian, and as Orthodox. But somewhere along the way, we get set in our routines, and complacency sets in to a degree. To recapture that initial fervor, we try to formulate our experience, and encapsulate God in a method. Those methods become our crutch, an easy way to seek God, without having to do the work of re-creating a real experience with Him. The root may be fear: fear that He will not respond as before; fear that He's moved beyond us.

But true faith will trust that God will always be there, beyond our feeling and sense. We trust faith, not our feeling. The contemplative experience is one of faith, one of resting and abiding in the presence of God. It is simply to be with Christ, whether we "feel"him or not. True peace comes from this contemplative moment, as He imparts His Spirit of peace to us, beyond our understanding, beyond our senses. We don't give up our liturgy, it is an integral part of our life. But our faith is in the God that liturgy focuses upon. Our fervor moves from sensual and intellectual feeling, to real awareness and knowledge of faith.

Random thoughts on a Saturday

Went to a day of silent prayer at Cordiafonte. Here are some random thoughts from meditative walks today and earlier this week.

humility: wish there was a pill one could take to be humble. I can't possibly see how I couldn't be humble, since I have so little to brag about anyway. But I manage to find a way to promote my point of view, push for my own benefit, and not pay enough attention to others feelings. When will I learn that "in humility consider others better than myself" as Paul says in Philippians, is the gate to freedom?

Mindfulness: My last post was about two realities, the physical world and the spiritual. Seems to me the real battle ground between these two is the mind. Our flesh, or earthly desires want one thing. Our spirits long and desire to serve God (Romans 7). But it's our mind that directs which way we will go. We are admonished in Colossians 3, "Since then you have been raised with Christ, set you heart on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set you minds on things above..." Through consistent recitation of the Jesus prayer, I attempt to have my mind direct the rest of my being toward the Spirit of God.

Faith: In John 14, Philip asks Jesus "show us the Father and that will be enough for us." Jesus responds "anyone who has seen me has seen the Father." And later, "I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I in you." When my faith wavers and I doubt the presence of God, do I see Christ in others? In the poor, in those who love me, in those all around me?

Wholeness: Who am I? Not what, but who? I am a father; I am a husband; I am Orthodox, but those all describe what I do. I am most fully "me" in that endeavor where I am most alert, most awake, most alive. I am who I am when I pray. In prayer, in naked humility and communion with God, there is nothing hidden and no games that can hide the reality of "me".

Contemplation: In the struggle for contemplation, this journey to a "peaceful and loving attentiveness to the presence of God", I learn many things. There is a difference between contemplation and contemplative practice. Contemplation is the realization of the transcendent God present with me. But I can't make that happen or create that sense. It is by contemplative practice that I open myself up to this possibility as I wait on God's grace and Spirit to reveal himself to me. So I practice what I know, ever watchful and waiting for the reality of the kingdom of God.

Reality

"Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:5,6
"The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap dstruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." Galatians 6:8
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Corinthians 4:18

Kerry Livgren and the rock group Kansas had a hit song titled "Dust in the Wind." One of the lines I always remember from that is "nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky." Kerry became a Chrisitian later in life, I wonder if he still believed that. I wonder if not the opposite is true. According to these scriptures, the only thing that will be eternal is the unseen, or the Spirit.

It seems to me there are two realities; one is the temporary, the seen, the senses, the flesh. The other is what is unseen, what is eternal, the Spirit. For most of the world today, only one reality exists, they live a sensual life according to what is felt, seen or heard. If I'm honest, I must admit how much of my life is lived according to the flesh. How much do time, energy and effort do I spend toward the spiritual? And just how does one live a "spiritual" life if it's impossible to see, feel or hear?

Two portals into the spiritual life come to mind. One is the sacraments. I believe the definition of a sacrament is "the visible means of God's invisible grace." When I was baptized, when I was chrismated, when I partake of the Eucharist, Christ is coming to me invisibly. He is present in each of those, not to the naked eye, but to the Spirit. Sacraments aren't magic, but they are mystical. For those who approach them in faith, the reality of the Spirit is present.

The other portal is direct union with God's Spirit. This one is surely way over my head and thinking. But I'm learning if we seek silence, solitude and stillness of mind and heart, along with silent contemplative prayer, God will make himself real to us. As with a sacrament, not in a visible or emotional feeling, but through the quiet work of His Spirit. I'm thankful for the Orthodox (and Catholic) monks and mystics who have shown us this path to contemplation. And I'm eternally grateful to God for His Spirit, His word, and His church. "Oh the depths of the riches of the widsom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God that God should repay him? For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things. To him be the glory forever!" Romans 11:33-36