Desire and the Kingdom of God

What do I want? What is it that I seek? What do I really desire? Mark Thibodeaux, in his book "The Armchair Mystic", talks about how early in his prayer life, he was bored. He was at a dry place and felt like he was playing games with his love relationship with God. And he felt like God was saying to him "Mark, what is it you really want?" The point was, it is okay to pursue what you want. What God puts in your heart, seek; what he doesn't, don't waste your time on. The Psalmist crys "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Not that God just grants our wishes, but He puts his desires in us.

After almost 45 years, I'm getting closer to knowing what I want. I seek inner peace. If I acquire inner peace, I will become whole. Yes, it's all about me. Because until I acquire inner peace, the world will not be at peace. Not that the world revolves around me, but "I" am a part of the world, a part of an eternal entity, that is not whole until each part becomes whole. And it is all about you, because you too are a part of this web God is weaving, this dominion, this Kingdom.

And so I seek peace, through prayer, through contemplation, through contemplative practices like going to work each day, watching a movie with my kids, blowing runny noses at the Guardian home, or running a 5k. It's all about me being selfish and seeking what I want. Not the external I of the passions, but as Merton would say the internal "I", the true self that yearns for the Kingdom of God. For when I follow that desire, I acquire inner peace, I become whole, as does the world. We pray "Thy Kingdom Come." That Kingdom comes when we unite ourselves to God, which brings love, peace, beauty and joy to a suffering world.